In solidarity with Reddit and other sites, this site is blacked out today (January 18th) in protest against SOPA and PROTECT IP laws. These laws are a threat to free speech and to the freedom of the Internet. Please contact your congressional representative and tell them to vote 'No' on this law.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is so bad about SOPA and PROTECT IP?

Threat to online freedom of speech

According to the EFF, proxy servers, such as those used during the Arab Spring, can also be used to thwart copyright enforcement and therefore may be made illegal by the act.

On TIME's Techland blog, Jerry Brito wrote, "Imagine if the U.K. created a blacklist of American newspapers that its courts found violated celebrities' privacy? Or what if France blocked American sites it believed contained hate speech?" Similarly, the Center for Democracy and Technology warned, "If SOPA and PIPA are enacted, the US government must be prepared for other governments to follow suit, in service to whatever social policies they believe are important—whether restricting hate speech, insults to public officials, or political dissent."

Laurence H. Tribe, a Harvard University professor of constitutional law, released an open letter on the web stating that SOPA would “undermine the openness and free exchange of information at the heart of the Internet. And it would violate the First Amendment.”

The AFL-CIO's Paul Almeida, arguing in favor of SOPA, has stated that free speech was not a relevant consideration, because "The First Amendment does not protect stealing goods off trucks."

Negative impact on websites that host user content

Journalist Rebecca MacKinnon argued in an op-ed that making companies liable for users' actions could have a chilling effect on user-generated sites like YouTube. "The intention is not the same as China’s Great Firewall, a nationwide system of Web censorship, but the practical effect could be similar", she says.

The EFF has warned that Etsy, Flickr and Vimeo all seem likely to shut down if the bill becomes law. According to critics, the bill would ban linking to sites deemed offending, even in search results and on services such as Twitter.

Christian Dawson, COO of Virginia-based hosting company ServInt, predicted that the legislation would lead to many cloud computing and Web hosting services moving out of the US to avoid lawsuits.

Conversely, Michael O'Leary of the MPAA argued at the November 16 Judiciary Committee hearing that the act's effect on business would be more minimal, noting that at least 16 countries block websites, and the internet still functions in those countries. Denmark, Finland, Ireland and Italy blocked The Pirate Bay after courts ruled in favor of music and film industry litigation, and a coalition of film and record companies has threatened to sue British Telecom if it does not follow suit. Maria Pallante of the US Copyright Office said that Congress has updated the Copyright Act before and should again, or "the U.S. copyright system will ultimately fail." Asked for clarification, she said that the US currently lacks jurisdiction over websites in other countries.

Weakening of "safe harbor" protections for websites

The Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), passed in 1998, includes a provision, known as the Online Copyright Infringement Liability Limitation Act, that provides a "safe harbor" for websites that host content. Under that provision, copyright owners who feel that a website is hosting content that infringes on their copyright are required to submit a notice to that website to ask for the infringing material to be removed, and the website is then given a certain amount of time to remove such material. SOPA would override this "safe harbor" provision, by allowing judges to immediately block access to any website found guilty of hosting copyrighted material.

According to critics of the bill such as the Center for Democracy and Technology and the Electronic Frontier Foundation, the bill's wording is vague enough that a single complaint about even a major website could be enough to cause the site to be blocked, with the burden of proof then resting on the website to get itself un-blocked. The focus of much of the criticism is on a statement in the bill, that any website would be blocked that "is taking, or has taken deliberate actions to avoid confirming a high probability of the use of the U.S.-directed site to carry out acts that constitute a violation." Critics have read this to mean that a website that does not actively monitor its content for copyright violations, but instead waits for others to notify it of such violations, could be guilty under the law.

Law professor Jason Mazzone wrote, "Damages are also not available to the site owner unless a claimant 'knowingly materially' misrepresented that the law covers the targeted site, a difficult legal test to meet. The owner of the site can issue a counter-notice to restore payment processing and advertising but services need not comply with the counter-notice".

Goodlatte stated, "We're open to working with them on language to narrow [the bill's provisions], but I think it is unrealistic to think we're going to continue to rely on the DMCA notice-and-takedown provision. Anybody who is involved in providing services on the Internet would be expected to do some things. But we are very open to tweaking the language to ensure we don't impose extraordinary burdens on legitimate companies as long as they aren't the primary purveyors [of pirated content]".

The MPAA's O'Leary submitted written testimony in favor of the bill that expressed guarded support of current DMCA provisions. "Where these sites are legitimate and make good faith efforts to respond to our requests, this model works with varying degrees of effectiveness," O'Leary wrote. "It does not, however, always work quickly, and it is not perfect, but it works."

General threat to web-related businesses

A news analysis in the information technology magazine eWeek stated, "The language of SOPA is so broad, the rules so unconnected to the reality of Internet technology and the penalties so disconnected from the alleged crimes that this bill could effectively kill e-commerce or even normal Internet use. The bill also has grave implications for existing U.S., foreign and international laws and is sure to spend decades in court challenges."

Art Bordsky of advocacy group Public Knowledge similarly stated that "The definitions written in the bill are so broad that any US consumer who uses a website overseas immediately gives the US jurisdiction the power to potentially take action against it."

On October 28, 2011, the EFF called the bill a "massive piece of job-killing Internet regulation," and said, "This bill cannot be fixed; it must be killed."

Gary Shapiro, CEO of the Consumer Electronics Association, spoke out strongly against the bill, stating that "The bill attempts a radical restructuring of the laws governing the Internet," and that "It would undo the legal safe harbors that have allowed a world-leading Internet industry to flourish over the last decade. It would expose legitimate American businesses and innovators to broad and open-ended liability. The result will be more lawsuits, decreased venture capital investment, and fewer new jobs."

Lukas Biewald, founder of CrowdFlower, stated that "It'll have a stifling effect on venture capital... No one would invest because of the legal liability."

Booz & Company on November 16 released a study, funded by Google, finding that almost all of the 200 venture capitalists and angel investors interviewed would stop funding digital media intermediaries if the House bill becomes law. More than 80 percent said they would rather invest in a risky, weak economy with the current laws than a strong economy with the proposed law in effect. If legal ambiguities were removed and good faith provisions in place, investing would increase by nearly 115 percent.

As reported by David Carr of the New York Times in an article critical of SOPA and PIPA, Google, Facebook, Twitter and other companies sent a joint letter to Congress, stating "We support the bills’ stated goals — providing additional enforcement tools to combat foreign ‘rogue’ Web sites that are dedicated to copyright infringement or counterfeiting. However, the bills as drafted would expose law-abiding U.S. Internet and technology companies to new uncertain liabilities, private rights of action and technology mandates that would require monitoring of Web sites.” In response to Carr's article, bill sponsor and Committee Chairman Lamar Smith said the article "unfairly criticizes the Stop Online Piracy Act", and, "does not point to any language in the bill to back up the claims. SOPA targets only foreign Web sites that are primarily dedicated to illegal and infringing activity. Domestic Web sites, like blogs, are not covered by this legislation." Lamar also said that Carr incorrectly framed the debate as between the entertainment industry and high-tech companies, noting support by more than "120 groups and associations across diverse industries, including the United States Chamber of Commerce".

Threat to users uploading content

Lateef Mtima, director of the Institute for Intellectual Property and Social Justice at Howard University School of Law, expressed concern that users who upload copyrighted content to sites such as YouTube could potentially be held criminally liable themselves, saying, "Perhaps the most dangerous aspect of the bill is that the conduct it would criminalize is so poorly defined. While on its face the bill seems to attempt to distinguish between commercial and non-commercial conduct, purportedly criminalizing the former and permitting the latter, in actuality the bill not only fails to accomplish this but, because of its lack of concrete definitions, it potentially criminalizes conduct that is currently permitted under the law."

An aide to bill sponsor Lamar Smith has said, "This bill does not make it a felony for a person to post a video on YouTube of their children singing to a copyrighted song. The bill specifically targets websites dedicated to illegal or infringing activity. Sites that host user content—like YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter—have nothing to be concerned about under this legislation".

Threat to internal networks

A paper by the Center for Democracy and Technology says that the bill "targets an entire website even if only a small portion hosts or links to some infringing content."

According to A. M. Reilly of Industry Leaders Magazine, under SOPA, culpability for distributing copyright material is extended to those who aid the initial poster of said material. For companies that use virtual private networks to create a network that appears to be internal but is spread across various offices and employees' homes, any of these offsite locations that initiate sharing of copyright material can put the entire VPN and hosting company at risk of violation.

Answering similar criticism in a CNET editorial, RIAA head Cary Sherman wrote: "Actually, it's quite the opposite. By focusing on specific sites rather than entire domains, action can be targeted against only the illegal subdomain or Internet protocol address rather than taking action against the entire domain."

Threat to free and open source software

The Electronic Frontier Foundation expressed concern that free and open source software (FLOSS) projects found to be aiding online piracy may experience serious problems under SOPA. Of special concern is the web browser Firefox, made by Open-Source advocate Mozilla, which has a plug-in, MAFIAAFire Redirector, that redirects users to the new location for domains that were seized by the U.S. government. In May 2011, Mozilla refused a request by the Department of Homeland Security to pull MAFIAAFire from its website, asking "Have any courts determined that the Mafiaafire add-on is unlawful or illegal in any way?"

Ineffectual against piracy

Edward J. Black, president and CEO of the Computer & Communication Industry Association, wrote in the Huffington Post that "Ironically, it would do little to stop actual pirate websites, which could simply reappear hours later under a different name, if their numeric web addresses aren't public even sooner. Anyone who knows or has that web address would still be able to reach the offending website."

An editorial in the San Jose Mercury-News stated, "Imagine the resources required to parse through the millions of Google and Facebook offerings every day looking for pirates who, if found, can just toss up another site in no time."

Deep-packet inspection and invasion of privacy

According to Markham Erickson, head of NetCoalition, which opposes SOPA, the section of the bill that would allow judges to order internet service providers to block access to infringing websites to customers located in the United States would also allow the checking of those customers' IP address, a method known as IP blocking. Erickson has expressed concerns that such an order might require those providers to engage in "deep packet inspection", which involves analyzing all of the content being transmitted to and from the user, and may raise new privacy concerns.

Negative impact on DNS, DNSSEC and Internet security

The Domain Name System (DNS) servers, most often equated with a phone directory, translate browser requests for domain names into the IP address assigned to that computer or network. The bill requires these servers to stop referring requests for infringing domains to their assigned IP addresses.

Andrew Lee, CEO of ESET North America, has expressed concerns that since the bill would require internet service providers to filter DNS queries for the sites, this would undermine the integrity of the Domain Name System.

Representative Zoe Lofgren (D-CA), whose district includes part of Silicon Valley, has called the bill "the end of the internet as we know it."

According to David Ulevitch, the San Francisco-based head of OpenDNS, the passage of SOPA could cause Americans to switch to DNS providers located in other countries who offer encrypted links, and may cause U.S. providers, such as OpenDNS itself, to move to other countries, such as the Cayman Islands.

In November 2011, a new anonymous top-level domain, .bit, was launched outside of ICANN control, as a response to the perceived threat from SOPA, although its effectiveness (as well as the effectiveness of other alternative DNS roots) remains unknown.

Internet security

A white paper by several internet security experts, including Steve Crocker and Dan Kaminsky, wrote, "From an operational standpoint, a resolution failure from a nameserver subject to a court order and from a hacked nameserver would be indistinguishable. Users running secure applications have a need to distinguish between policy-based failures and failures caused, for example, by the presence of an attack or a hostile network, or else downgrade attacks would likely be prolific."

DNSSEC

There have been concerns raised that SOPA would harm the usefulness of the Domain Name System Security Extensions (DNSSEC), a set of protocols developed by the Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF) for ensuring internet security. A white paper by the Brookings Institution wrote that "The DNS system is based on trust," adding that DNSSEC was developed to prevent malicious redirection of DNS traffic, and that "other forms of redirection will break the assurances from this security tool."

On November 17, Sandia National Laboratories, a research agency of the U.S. Department of Energy, released a technical assessment of the DNS filtering provisions in the House and Senate bills, in response to a request from Rep. Lofgren. The assessment stated of both bills that the DNS filtering would be unlikely to be effective, would negatively impact internet security, and would delay full implementation of DNSSEC.

On November 18, House cybersecurity subcommittee chairman Dan Lungren stated that he had "very serious concerns" about SOPA's impact on DNSSEC, adding, "we don't have enough information, and if this is a serious problem as was suggested by some of the technical experts that got in touch with me, we have to address it."

Lack of transparency in enforcement

Brooklyn Law School professor Jason Mazzone warned, "Much of what will happen under SOPA will occur out of the public eye and without the possibility of holding anyone accountable. For when copyright law is made and enforced privately, it is hard for the public to know the shape that the law takes and harder still to complain about its operation."

Who are my congressional representatives and how do I contact them?

Congress needs to hear from all of us or this bill is going to pass. Each representative usually publishes their phone number, email address, or a contact form on their individual official websites. Links to their websites can be found in these directories:

I don't live in the US. What can I do?

The US State Department constantly speaks out against internet censorship in other countries. Pressure them to speak out against America’s new domestic censorship system.

How do I blackout my blog with this template?

Blogger users:
  1. Download a backup of your original Blogger template FIRST!!! If you do not do this, you will not be able to restore your blog.
  2. Download the SOPA Blackout template from here.
  3. Extract the .xml template file from the .zip file.
  4. Upload the SOPA Blackout .xml template at 8am on Jan 18, 2012.
  5. Upload the backup of your original template at 8pm on Jan 18, 2012.
  6. This November, send donations to the competitors of those politicians who voted for SOPA.
Wordpress users:

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"The fact of the matter is, you will not see bin Laden walking on this earth again" - Barack Obama, US President

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Out of Bounds II

After being estranged from my family for more than a decade, I've come home. So, no: it's not a sports blog.


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Monday, August 24, 2009

iPod Art - Inside Tulip

This one was harder than I thought it was going to be.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 7:12 PM 0 comments
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Great Event

My friend Lynne posted on my FB wall today: "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a really great one. And how nice that you get to spend it with someone who participated in the great event :)"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Thanks, Lynne.

So today I am 32 33.

I got up early today and did some straightening of the house before my mom returned from her vacation. I made coffee and enjoyed a smoke on the patio before it got too hot. Work was work, but my friend Stephanie there immediately sent me an IM, wishing me a happy birthday. That was nice. Thanks, Steph!

Unfortunately, I don't really feel all that well today--kinda bloated and blah with no energy, which doesn't make me want to write or even try to be witty, but coming home to see my mom waiting for me was really nice. She gave me a big beautiful bouquet of flowers, a new Navy purse (which I wanted) and a gorgeous cake that we've yet to cut into. She even spelled my name Trace...even though she prefers Tracy. We sat outside and chatted for a bit. We were going to go out, but I put that off until tomorrow due to the not feeling so hot.

She ordered some Chicago deepdish. It was a good day and tomorrow will be just the two of us again so here's to hoping I feel better.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 8:28 PM 0 comments
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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Bombs Allegedly Hurled at Gay Athletes from Church

Why does that not surprise me?

Did you even know that the Out Games were happening in Coppenhagen Denmark? Odds are that you didn't. But did you know that three IEDs were thrown onto the track during them, injuring one of the althetes yesterday?

Odds are: you still didn't know.

A swimmer splits his suit, revealing his bum and the whole world hears about it and sees the photos, but violent hate crimes happen during a sporting event and all you hear is crickets. Just sayin'.

It is relevant to the US national discussion, though: the Matthew Shepard Act just recently passed the Senate and needs only now the President's signature. This is a perfect example of why hate crimes legislation is needed...because these bombers who, apparently, threw the explosive devices from a nearby church while shouting "Homo pig" weren't just trying to hurt the contestants: they were trying to terrorize the entire LBGTQI community and it wasn't until after the second bombing that the police even showed up.

If the neighbor next door kills his wife because he hates her, that does not terrorize an entire community; that event, while disturbing and shocking like all violence (should be), stands on its own as between the perpetrator and the victim. Whereas when someone beats a man for holding his brother's hand while shouting anti-gay slurs, that affects everyone who is gay or who, like that man, may be preceived (falsely) as being gay just from showing affection to someone of the same biological sex.

Doubly, what is one supposed to do if local law enforcement is involved in said crime or totally complicit? I'm seeing things nearly every day in the paper about cops telling people to leave restaurants and such because their PDA was "illegal" and they could be arrested for "homosexual conduct" or "trespassing"...or what about that raid in San Antonio on the Stonewall anniversary when someone got their head bashed in? What about the rate of murders perpetrated on transgender citizens? What about the protesters who go to the funerals of soldiers and hold signs that read "God Hates Fags" and others that go to Pride Events and hold signs that read "Death to Fags"?

I realize there is a lot more wrong with the world than this, but how are we to fix it if we don't even acknowledge it? Surely an athlete bleeding because of a bomb (an act of terrorism) is more newsworthy than an althete with a wardrobe malfunction...even though he does have a very nice butt.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 9:09 PM 0 comments
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Six Months and Counting…

Just found out today that my supposedly 2 year contract is actually only a 9 month contract. Not that I'm surprised or even disappointed—this job tests the very limits of my patience in banality, triviality—many "itys".

I have a story, though…

Last week was hellish as I made the huge, giant mistake of telling my boss that I'm interested in getting a job at HQ in Chicago—there is no specific job, but it's just something that I'd like to explore and we happen to be going there. Apparently, the way I presented it was B.A.D; so, I worked to do some damage-control but I was seriously tied up in knots, worried I'd offended my boss, who, instead of talking to me about it, calls my co-worker and asks "What does she want?" Let's consider that. Um…

  • Security
  • Health Insurance
  • A livable wage
  • A job that is fulfilling and fully utilizes my skills
  • Peace of mind
  • Satisfaction
  • Not having to commute 80 miles a day!

I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea. So, after that I had a long talk with myself and decided to just be "zen" or as my mother would say: "Kill'em with kindness." I have put forth my very best effort to be gentle, kind, pleasant, etc. After all, she's "sensitive." There's no thought paid to how I'm sensitive, like how I have to fly on my mother's birthday, when I have not been able to spend this day with her in 12 years and I asked specifically not to fly on that day, but we're flying back on Thursday, not Friday, so we're not flying on my boss's birthday…something she said in the same meeting, actually before I mentioned finding the interested in finding a job. But, whatever: only the boss's feelings matter. Did you catch all that? *sigh*

Then, today, I discover that unless I find another job in the company, I'll be laid off in six months (as will my boss). WTF?!?

That part is not a surprise. Basically, the project that I'm working on is working myself out of a job. Fine. That was clear from Day 1. The time-table has been moved up, which I saw coming about 2 months ago. I'm not invested in this job; I don't care—that is how I have approached it.

But…I'm a rude for saying that I want to do something she had previously encouraged last week? But not this week? Whatever.

Lesson Learned: Guilt should be reserved for personal relationships, not business. I wont say "never again" because I tend to have a guilty conscience but if I'm just considered a bitch from this point forth at this job, I am going to do my absolute best not to give a damn, Scarlet.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 7:09 PM 2 comments

Sunday, July 26, 2009

iPod Art - Sacred Lotus

More from my initial flower theme...


Strangely, despite how much patience this requires, I find panting on my iPod incredibly relaxing. Once I get some more good ones done, I'll post a photostrem on Picasa or something.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 7:09 PM 1 comments
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Friday, July 24, 2009

Kutless - To Know That You’re Alive


Who would have thunk it? I’m promoting a Christian band. Well, if you actually know me you’d know that I don’t care who you are—if the words, works, music, art, etc. is good, then I’m an equal opportunity appreciator. They might not appreciate the promotion on a lesbian blog, but I love this tune!

I heard this gem on the radio about a month ago. Truthfully, if it’s not NPR (KVCR 91.9) then it’s the Classical station 91.5 for my commute, but the trip from the building where I work to the freeway reduces my favorites to choppy static which, on this particular day, annoyed me. I flipped. After a couple times, I stopped on this song. It sounded pretty good, but I still scanned up a couple more hoping for a Motown station (in California? Fat chance!). So, I went back and within 10 seconds I was glad I did as the final chorus commenced.

Afterward, the DJ was good enough to tell me who they were and what the name of the song was. I put it to my memory file of songs to check out on iTunes and then grew surprised by the religious propoganda that came next. Realizing that, despite the hard-edged tone and lyrics of the previous song, I’d landed on a Christan radio station, I turned back to the Classical station, wondering if I missed something about the song that illuminated its religious-bent.

I went home and looked up the lyrics – nope. Those were the lyrics I'd heard, but it’s like they say: truth is 9/10’s perception. It’s true that I can see the ‘needing salvation’ intent of the artist in the song, but even as I listen to it today I just don’t hear it that way. At best I feel a spiritual undertone which, for me, just naturally comes along with anything that deals with the subject of one’s own personal crucible—spiritual as in the esscence that makes us each precious, special, miraculous and unique.

At any rate, if you like Evanescence then give Kutless’ To Know That You’re Alive a listen. They’re no where on the same artist level as Amy Lee and her decitizen-esque band, but this song seriously has to have the most driving, irrepressible chorus since Somebody Told Me from the Killers.

To Know that You’re Alive
By Kutless
Will this situation bring you around?

The black of night is closing in around you
The crippling fear moves in as they strap you down
Will you let a moment get the best of you?
Or will this situation bring you around?

When the blood stains dry…
Will it bring you around?
Will it pass you by?

(Chorus)
Right now you’re bruised and bleeding
I see the hurt within your eyes
I know your pain is for a reason
You need to feel just to know that you’re alive

The days have turned to weeks, but it’s not over
The bandages rewind you to where you’ve been
These memories will remind you
When life takes you out, will it bring you around?

When it’s said and done…
Will it bring you around?
What will you become?

(Chorus)

(Chorus)You’re Alive – You’re Alive

(Chorus)

(Chorus)You’re Alive – You’re Alive
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 4:22 PM 0 comments
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Sunday, July 19, 2009

technorati claim

jb8h5fqv9s
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 5:23 PM 1 comments
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Saturday, July 18, 2009

iPod Art - Calla Lily

Starting with flowers...

Editor's note: Updated 7.24.09 with a more refined version, still all done on the iPod w/ Brushes.

-- Post From My iPhone
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 9:58 PM 2 comments
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Huff Po - Possible Interview

Arthur Delaney did a piece this week about a silver-lining to the recession: family reunions.

Since I'm in a similar situation, I immediately clicked on the article and read a story that was, in many ways, just like my own. Parent and child reunited due to loss of work.

At the end, Mr. Delaney requested that readers e-mail him with similar stories. I'm in a "no hiding" mode now (I'm so tired of living my life in one closet or another), so it took me all of two seconds to click the link. Now that I've got Outlook set up, it was seamless - heh ;P (Yes, I know: shut up about Outlook).

This is what I wrote:
From: Trace Cook [mailto:tracercook@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 16, 2009 10:28 PM
To: 'arthur@huffingtonpost.com'
Subject: Recession And A Fire Reunite Estranged Father And Son


Hi Mr. Delaney,

You asked for readers to email you if they had a similar story as the one listed above.

I had worked for Borders for 9 years, living in Michigan for 12 years. During that time, I had no contact with my family. I lived on my own; I made it on my own. I wasn’t rich by any stretch, but I was making it and things were looking up. Then, I lost my job in June ’08 due to a workforce reduction. After 10 months of unemployment in Michigan and nearing homelessness and, sadly, even suicide, I reached out to my mother in California. It was my truly last resort, but I was at the bottom—it wasn’t a difficult decision even though I’m a gay agnostic democrat and my family is…not.

I was home in 3 weeks, and (amazingly) employed 3 weeks after that. It’s a contractor position, slightly less money; no benefits, but it’s better than nothing with many opportunities. I’m living in the home I grew up in; in the bedroom. It’s hot; it’s cramp, but it’s great to be home and my expenses are nearly zero. The horrible depression I was suffering has vanished and my relationship with the people that matter to me has never been better…even though I dislike California and all of my friends are in Michigan.

Starting over, even at 32, is tough; but I’ve learned a lesson I will never forget for the rest of my life: it’s never too late and it’s never as bad as it seems.

Thanks for the opportunity to share.

Trace Cook
tracercook@gmail.com
HuffPo name: traceminerals
Corona, CA

He thanked me and asked if I was interested in doing a phone interview. I said that I was and gave him my availability for next week. We'll see if I hear anything back.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 1:49 PM 2 comments
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iPod Art - Sunflower

My first iPod painting. Fun.
Yes, it's supposed to be upside down.

Okay; it's way too late. I must go to bed.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 3:49 AM 0 comments
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Friday, July 17, 2009

To Tweet or not to Tweet

I just joined Twitter; of course Carrie immediately came up as someone to follow. Since I haven't heard from her & considering her last email, I decided to hold of.

http://twitter.com/tracecook

-- Post From My iPhone
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 9:13 PM 0 comments
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Blog Press

Okay, I'm testing out my new blogging app-Blog Press; only $0.99!

Pretty sweet! Maybe I'll write more if I can do it any time & then post when I'm online? We shall see.

-- Post From My iPhone
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 7:07 PM 1 comments
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iPhone/iPod Touch 3.0 Update

So, I paid the $9.95 For the software update for my fairly new iPod (Touch 2nd gen.). Really, all I cared about was the Bluetooth. I recently purchased the Plantronics Voyager 855, and boy am I glad I did! The only Bluetooth it supports is stereo that uses AD2P!

It took some time for me to get paired as my phone was causing a conflict...and I am not a Bluetooth expert. I broke out the user manual and was finally able to get it connected. Now I have no trouble and even though I have to deal with a lot of skipping whenever I switch to the next or previous song--wow; I love this, even without voice activated commands and being able to use my headset at a microphone! Now I really like my iPod and am using it daily.

Note: Keeping the Bluetooth on does drain the battery faster, I've noticed. It's not a problem for me since I can charge in my car, but it sucks a good 1/3 of the battery down in one work day (+ 2 hours of commuting).

That's not the only upgrade. I also like the lateral keyboard and the copy/paste is nifty, too. I don't do a lot of web-surfing or note-taking (as of yet) on my iPod, but as I become more digitally organized, it'll be features I'm fond of, I'm sure.

Right now it's all about the Bluetooth and that, alone, was worth the money. If you're contemplating the update, unless you do a lot of text entry I would hold off on getting it until you have a stereo (AD2P) enabled headset. If you already have one, what are you waiting for? In the immortal words of Kathryn Janeway: do it.

By the way, I also highly recomment the Plantronics Voyager 855; great headset.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 6:31 PM 0 comments
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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Red Sky Morning Night

A sailor's delight...

Her name is Carrie.

I could start from the beginning and all of that, but I don't care to because no one reads this anyway--and why should they? I'm horrible at keeping it updated. Sorr [sic].

I don't know if Carrie and I are soulmates; I don't know if we are crazy bitches and gluttons for punishment. I don't know??? What I do know is that, for now, she is the one that got away...and the one, still, I wish... Well, I don't know what I wish anymore.

I will never delete her contact information. I will never hate her or even think negatively of her...even though I might spout my frustration. It was only ever sadness...pure sadness that it never happened.

She and I have come in and out of communication with each other for about 6 years now; originally it was my fault because I was involved with someone when we met, the last times of disconnect have been her.

It started with a simple comment I made on her blog, having no idea she was attracted to women. She talked, only good things, about her husband and her kids on the blog. She was talking about her struggles with her self-image, obsessing over every little pound, now that she'd lost an impressive amount of weight. I simply told her to throw the scale out the window and go by how her clothes are fitting; scales are evil...and I still believe this, even though I do get one them from time to time.

She wrote back, calling me her angel and that was just the comment she needed. The next day, I got a message from her. She'd read my blog, saw that I was a HOMO, and decided that she wanted to ask me some questions. Innocent enough: sure, I can play big gay sister. :) *sigh*

6 years later...

I recently got Office 2k7. Last night I finally decided that I was going to use this suite for all it's worth and I started the process of cleaning up the disaster area that was my email. I get so much and since I moved to California, I'm just not on the computer that much. I know people have emailed me but it's a mass of crap that I don't even pay attention to anymore unless I'm expecting something. Ok--so had to fix that. Done.

Then, now that I had my contacts all cleaned up, I went over to Facebook to say hi to my neglected peeps while I was online. Then I see that she is suggested as a friend. No picture available, but I know it's her: her handle is as unique as she is beautiful. Did I mention she was gorgeous? Oh--forgot that. I'm my eyes, she's as splendid (and dangerous) as a red sky in the morning. Her looks; her voice; her attitude: her charm: Perfection (by my definition, which is anything but fake or flawless).

I considered it for a minute and then said "screw it" and clicked the link to add her as a friend. After that I forgot about it, honestly--haven't heard from her since Dec. '07 so it was in and out of my mind. I went to bed, went to work, 12 hours later I came home, did my 30 minute workout in the pool (the one nice thing about CA) and finally sat down to check my email w/ Outlook...everything all nice and neat, very pretty, and then there are 2 emails from Carrie.

First @ 7:30am:

(username) sent you a message.
--------------------
(no subject)

I don't have your email address...seems so sterile to send a msg through FB...

I made a promise to you that I intend to keep.

With warm regards,
C
--------------------

I can't recall what she promised me. Damn.


Second @ 2:00pm:
(username) sent you a message.
--------------------
Subject: argh...

why did you do this to me?
#@%*,
C
--------------------

You know, I asked myself why I did this to me, too--I am recovering from a major depressive episode late last year and sending Feb. 2, 2009 when I called home after not being dead. And then it occurred to me, the same way it feels to me right now: It's no longer traumatic for me; at least, it doesn't feel that way as I write this. And why am I writing this--because I'm tried of not documenting what is, for better or worse, a love story: my story. Why I've done that I'll keep to myself, but I'm sure, if she knew, she would understand.

The truth is that I still would like to see her when I go to Chicago in August. I still would like to take her for a drink and debate the riddles of the universe; maybe kiss her lips, once--never have. Just to know. The unknowing is the hardest part. But I'm in a different place now--more zen; less deprived. She no longer feels ominous; yet, I would be lying if I said that I don't have any hopes to one day call her mine. Until then I'll just keep them at bay and think of her as the one that got away.

Editor's Note: After posting this, I realized that the point I was trying to make wasn't really made with the original title. This one fits.

Dangerous
by Michael Jackson

The way she came into the place
I knew right then and there
There was something different
About this girl
The way she moved
Her hair, her face, her lines
Divinity in motion

As she stalked the room
I could feel the aura
Of her presence
Every head turned
Feeling passion and lust

The girl was persuasive
The girl I could not trust
The girl was bad
The girl was dangerous

I never knew but I was
Walking the line
Come go with me
I said I have no time
She said don't you pretend we didn't
Talk on the phone
My baby cried
And left me standing alone

She's so dangerous
The girl is dangerous
Take away my money
Throw away my time
You can call me honey
But you're no damn good for me
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 8:17 PM 0 comments
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Too Busy

I'm entirely too busy these days. Now it's really late and I really need to get to bed. I know I need to make more time to do this, but I'm gone 12 hrs a day right now.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 12:03 AM 0 comments
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Call to Action: KRXQ Radio Hosts Rob Williams and Arnie States Advocate Abuse and Violence Against Transgender Children


Issue:
On May 28, 2009, listeners of Rob, Arnie & Dawn in the Morning were treated to a 30+ minute segment in which hosts Rob Williams and Arnie States, responding to a recent story about the supportive parents of a gender-transitioning child, advocated abuse and violence against the transgender community, specifically children. The show is heard in Sacramento, California on KRXQ 98.5FM and in Reno, Nevada on KDOT 104.5FM.

While co-host Dawn expressed her disillusionment and eventually apology for Rob and Arnie’s grotesque statements, some in which these so-called men referred to transgender children as “idiots”, “freaks”, and “animals”, the vile temerity of the male hosts was not assailed.

You can read more and even listen to the segment at GLAAD’s site: http://www.glaad.org/Page.aspx?pid=730

Reaction:
Living in So-Cal, I did not hear this show. Yet after just 3 months in this state I have to say: I am not surprised. Liberal Mecca my ass. This state is a bastion of hate and self-righteous greedy hypocrites.

Regarding Rob and Arnie: I know these people have only a scintilla of the celebrity of Don Imus, but advocating violence against children? On the air? Seriously, where is the FCC? I think this is a wee bit more detrimental to society and children than fleeting expletives, Janet Jackson’s breast, or my desire to one day have a wife.

Will this reach CNN or the front page of the LA Times? Doubtful (and not as of yet), but it’s only bat-shit crazy drag queens we’re talking about. Right? Did you know (according to the Human Rights Campaign) that transgender persons living in American (this country!) have a 1 in 12 chance of being MURDERED?

We (well, the few of us that know about it) rail about how gays in Iraq (over 600 now) are being rounded up and summarily executed by their families, communities, Iranian death squads responding to a death-to-gays fatwa, and now by the government, too, in the “worst, more severe way of killing” but why isn’t anyone talking about the brutal murders that are happening in this country in which few arrests are being made? One in 12? That’s only twice as good as your chances in Russian Roulette!
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 10:30 AM 0 comments
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And so it begins…

Last Tuesday I reached my tipping point.

I don’t care how much of my time it takes. I don’t care if it costs me all of my money. I don’t care if it, once again, makes me an outcast and I gain the label of “evil woman” like Nancy Pelosi has for some reason from my aunt.

I.Will.No.Longer.Sit.Quietly.Trying.To.Make.You.Comfortable.

Screw you and your values. Oddly enough, I think you’re immoral, too.

No more Mrs. Nice Gay. Fire it up and pass it on.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 9:13 AM 0 comments
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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Back into the World

It's been a while. I've been busy settling in a securing employment. Tomorrow I start my new job. I've been out of work for 10 months, so it's a little anxiety-provoking, especially the commute. I'll be driving 40 miles each way for this job, which is a contractor position (2 yrs). No benefits; no paid time-off and 2k less than I was making in Michigan. Between the commute and California's higher taxes, it'll be interesting to see if those two things offset the fact that I'm living at home and don't have to pay rent, utilities, etc. Keeping my fingers crossed that they don't because I'd really like to get a better car, go back to school, and save some money.

So, I'm all moved in now. It's an adjustment going from a 3 bedroom apartment that was mine to a room in my mother's house. It's very cramped, but I'm not complaining. I'm actually enjoying it. It's nice to have people around and my cat is adapting well. She loves my mother!

I finally came clean with my mother last night that I don't really believe in God. She told me I was raised better than that. :) The great thing about my mother is that I can have a political/religious debate with her where we are polar opposites, yet it's just a debate and it doesn't really matter even though she's an arch-conservative who votes the Republican party-line.

I've never voted the party-line, but I've never voted Republican, either.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 12:00 PM 0 comments
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Friday, February 27, 2009

"Like I could resist this photo op!"


I talked to K. She said what I felt in my head but what I needed someone else to say. In the end it just makes me sad for my sister who believes that Jesus believes in discrimination and oppression (pictured here on the right...the one with her face smudged out). This was apparently Halloween 2008. The caption reads "Like I could resist this photo op." There were 4 similar pictures of this "marriage defender."


Propping up Prop 8. I think my sister is supposed to be a cheerleader. Hooray!
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 4:18 PM 0 comments
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Talkie


My dad came over today; he's a motorcyclist. We had a nice visit and managed to do some talking...about work, economics, the president’s speech, K. I’m not complaining; he was talkative and my mother’s husband decided not to come home last night so he worked from home today ergo: we weren’t alone and had to sit outside in the rather chilly air in order to visit. He stayed for about 2 ½ hours. As he left he promised to call K and offer his support. He was sweet.
After that I hopped online. J accepted me as her friend and wrote “hey. Welcome back =)” on my wall. I checked out her profile and found that she supports a “defend marriage in CA” group…or, in other words, a destroy/prevent same-sex relationship group. What love—yet I’m the single-minded obstinate one according to my mom because it’ll be me who decides whether or not to have a relationship with them. Oh gawd.
I realize that I have been extremely lucky. In Michigan, the last 10 years since I came out, my sexual orientation has never once been an issue of even debate…or, if it was, it was never apparent to me. It just wasn’t, but no one there was my family. Every one else from bosses to friends just didn’t care. There was one incident on a train from A2 to Royal Oak where a young and poorly reared preteen was bouncing around the aisle yelling “queers!” when she saw me and my ex sitting together and I was resting my head on her shoulder. That’s it.
So, maybe I lack tolerance for intolerance, hate, and hypocrisy? Is it worth me tolerating their intolerance, hate, and hypocrisy? I’m not sure; we’ll see how often it occurs in my family.
I sent K a text message. She works 3rd shift in SC. I asked her to call me on her break tonight or tomorrow. I need some big sister advice. Stay tuned.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 8:13 PM 0 comments
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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Little Sisters

Confessional
I have three sisters: 2 half sisters and 1 step sister: K, J, and S.

Yesterday I added K's daughter, my niece, to my new Facebook profile--what a doll! I considered adding J yesterday, but I hesitated because she and her mother, M, are Christofacists (my word for Fundamentalist Christians)...and I am a lesbian.

You see, I am the lone democrat in my family; makes sense since I'm the lone queer. Fine. My mother, father, and step-father are conservatives but not hate-mongers. We don't agree on politics and some or all of them may wish I wasn't gay and/or believe I'm gay because I was sexually abused by 4 different people between the years of 4 and 13, but they are decent people with the ability to see gays as human beings just like them...at least mostly. This is not the case for my step-monster and her daughter. They see my sexual orientation as my "lifestyle choice" not simply a part of me as unchanging as my skin color. In short: same story, different person.

So, I hesitated because if I did that then that would probably lead her here and this place is my place to just verbally vomit—so, don’t expect greatness. I’m not writing this blog to impress anyone or hone my writing skills; my fictional writing does the later and I’m not interested in the former. Today I said "fuck it" and added her.

The thing is: I wish we could have a good relationship and that she could meet K and me on the level that we're just women with the same father—sisters—but I'm not holding out hope for that.
Does that make me cynical? Maybe, but if you were me you’d be cynical, too. So, I added her because I should; she is my sister and even though I don’t know her I still love her and wish the absolute best for her in whatever endeavor—whatever makes her happy I hope that it always does and that she lives a far happier life than I have thus far. We all deserve happiness.

This way she can keep up with me...and maybe she’ll read this. If she does, she does. If it hurts her, it hurts her. If she discovers things that she doesn’t know then I’m happy to be the bearer of truth. John 8:36 – “And Jesus said ‘And ye shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.’”

So, here’s some truth:

1. Her mother got involved with my father while my parents were still married. I was a 1 year old baby. I just learned this 3 days ago: that’s how well communications flows in my family.

2. Our father has been married 3 times, not 2 times. My mom was his second wife, something he didn't tell my mom about. As far as I know he was still legally married to his first wife when he married my mom, and at some point she found out. My knowledge of this is still sketchy; it’s one of the laundry list of things I’m trying to discover.

3. I was given less than $5000 from our father for college and made to feel guilty and stingy and unworthy of this money from her mother. J went to school on the other side of the country for $20,000 a year. UPDATE: She owes 20k. They owe nearly 100k. Her mother called K, crying, and said that J would never speak to our father again if he didn't come up with the $$$. The purpose of this conversation was to get K's husband's SSN and to ask if he would co-sign for a loan. The agreement for me was that my mother would pay for the first 2 years and my father would pay for the last 2; if it took me longer then I would have to pay for that. My mom and her husband resented having to take out loans for my education; they are stingy and selfish, self-admittedly. But, they did it and I was able to go, live there, and have a meal plan.
When it came time for my 3rd year and my father couldn't get the money the trouble began. He paid for the first semester, about $3,900 and then he sent me $50 every 2 weeks for food. I had to get loans for the last semester and for my fourth year. Fine; I’ve worked and paid them off myself, but K never got a chance to go to school and no one called anyone crying for me. The step-mother never would have supported me if I suddenly stopped speaking to my father. Nope. Bottom-line: I'm worth less than J and K is worth less than me...except with me. With me I'm not afraid to say that K has always been the only one who ever felt like my sister. She is my sister and the rest are family.

4. M and her mother, C, now deceased, treated me terribly when my ex-fiancé came home for Christmas in 1997. I'll leave his name out of it, but he was a super-fantastic guy with nothing wrong with him. He was me trying to make my family happy, and they gave us Christian books and the cold shoulder for Christmas presents because we lived together and weren't married. Uh-huh.

A few months later we got a package of books and tapes from her church in the mail, unsolicited. Damnation and salvation. He looked at me and asked, “Why are they treating us so differently? Is it me they don’t like?” I had no answers beyond to say that it wasn’t him; it was me. The truth: it is her. A few more months later, the week I left him as I accepted the plain fact that I was more attracted to women than men, I received a card and a letter from M, telling me that if I didn't move out and stop having premarital sex with him I was going to hell. “We used to talk about God” she wrote, “but then you went away to college.” The truth: God was the only thing one could talk to her about and going away to college expanded my horizon, my verizon, and my maturity (the point of it), which made me want to talk about more than one topic.

She’s an Armageddon fanatic; the end of the world has been coming “within the next 5 years” for about 20 years. She had me so freaked out one Easter during my Freshman year of high school that I said good-bye to some of my friends at school of Friday, convinced the rapture would spirit me away before Monday. I waited all day on Sunday, wondering if I was good enough to go to heaven…and too afraid to tell my mom what was wrong with me because I figured she’d get angry. Going back to school and having to face my friends was murder. What an idiot! That’s when I stopped listening to her sermons and warnings of doom; college just helped me begin to find my voice…only a beginning.

This note is the primary reason why I gave up on my family and walked away; it was the last straw. I wrote an inflammatory letter to my father about his wife's actions; the fiancé and a friend had both asked me why he didn’t put a stop to it. After all, I am his daughter not hers. I wrote this letter because I wanted to get his attention. I came out during it and called him a coward. 11 years went by and never a reply from my father. Why? Well, his wife told him a story from the Bible, I believe about the prodigal son—told him to stay away and I would eventually come back. He listened and then he got a phone call 11 years later that I had tried to end my life on 02/02/09. Sadly, that’s the truth and not easy for me to admit.

Does my father want to talk about this? No. It's "water under the bridge." Basically, my father is not only still a coward...he's worse, but I still love him. He says he doesn’t like to pry, but he’s afraid of confrontation and he lets that get between his relationships with his two eldest daughters. J is immune because her mother is there to keep communication flowing. And no: I don't think coward is too harsh: We were alone for 1 1/2 weeks—we drove across the country—and he never engaged me in any sort of meaningful conversation even when I tried by talking about K. I tried to kill myself and he couldn’t find the cajones to talk about this. *sigh* He just won't and that's a big mistake because we'll probably never have such an opportunity again.

5. J sent me a graduation announcement. I replied and sent what cash I had in my wallet. She replied by sending me some DVDs and very kid-like stuff because she's not only immature from being sheltered, she was a kid when she last knew me. I replied back with a letter, letting her know that I was a lesbian. I figured she had been sheltered and was not aware of what occurred. Come to find out: my father says that he didn’t know about his wife’s actions, either. Hmm. I never heard back. She tells K that she wrote back saying "I love you but I don't agree with your lifestyle." Thankfully, I never received that letter because it would have hurt me worse than getting a reply. In my letter I told her not to bother writing back if that was a problem. Personally, I don't believe that she ever replied, but maybe the letter was lost? Uh-huh. Why am I suspicious? Letters do get lost in the mail. Keep reading.

6. When K had enough of our father's BS, she wrote him a letter. M intercepted this letter and didn't show it to our father for over a year! J wrote back and chewed out K, telling her that she had no right to judge our father, that he was a different man, blah, blah, blah. J is 12 years younger than K; she'll be 27 this year. She still lives at home and has never had a real relationship (so I’ve heard) even though she works in media at a huge church: she is the epitome of a sheltered child and since her mother is a latent lesbian (my long-time suspicion) who was still living at home in her early 30s and had never had a boyfriend until she met my father, she doesn't have the first fucking clue about what my sister or I have been through.

That's enough for now. If you think this is juicy, just wait: I got lots more and yes: I plan to plaster is all out there...because I can, because this is my life, because I refuse to allow this bullshit to be summed up to me being a big bad lesbian; and, unfortunately, there is no one here in the state of CA that I can just talk to without it being an argument about something. Also, I will happily be the bad guy for K, who’s going through a divorce, because I know I will never change M and I don't care to because if there's a hell, I look forward to seeing her there.

I will not take the blame for everything. I walked away, never asking for help one time in 11 years, starting out with nearly nothing, having to drop out of school and having to make my own way, in order to protect myself and survive...to learn how to be me and just not give a damn about what they think any more. This is my story and since I’m still alive, I’m going to finally tell it.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 4:37 PM 0 comments
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Monday, February 23, 2009

The Arrival


I hate starting blogs. I never know what to say. I could spend time explaining my circumstances, but I don’t want to. Sorry if you can’t follow, but the quick and dirty is that I’ve returned to my home state to live with my mother and step-father after living in Michigan for 11 years. Like many I’ve lost my job.
I turned on the huge plasma TV this morning. The Arrival is on one of the 10 different HBO channels. There is something like 7 TVs in this house and each has a satellite box and a DVR. This movie is terrible, but I’m not turning the channel because there are too many to choose from. I haven’t had cable TV for years.
This is Day 3. Returning home to CA is like nothing I could ever describe. This might as well be an alien spacecraft. Thankfully my big sister is just a phone call away. She gets me; I get her; we’re the only ones who do. We talked for 4 hours today; thank god we’re on the same network!
My dad called this morning. He wants to come see me on Wednesday. I just spent nearly 2 weeks with him, but he still has time off and how can I say no? I can’t, so I’m not sure what I’ll be doing Wednesday. Tomorrow the house-keepers come to clean; I’m not sure where I’ll go.
Job prospects look much better out here for my field. I’ve found three to apply for, but my stuff is not going to be here until Saturday. It’s somewhere in Chicago right now. Ah, Chicago…How I miss Chicago. I still dream to live there; I still think of her and wonder what happened.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter at 11:23 AM 0 comments
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Corona, CA, United States
How can one chick be so different than her family when she has 3 sisters? I don't know, but I am. Explore more below to find out how. I'll let you decide why.