Speechless: More Thoughts on America's Shame

I guess we should have known that electing a non-white guy to the White House was going to bring out the worst in us. I mean: the 60's weren't that long ago, but I have to admit that I am shocked, stupidly, since for the very same reasons I am stupefied today, I am modulating between anger and depression over every other day as a lesbian woman.

Have we no shame as a nation? I mean I get that it's still funny to laugh at gays and talk about us as if we're a different species or a scourge, but I really thought that at least on national Tee-Vee it wasn't acceptable to give white supremacists a podium to spew their toxic and irrational hate. No one gives the KKK equal time at the microphone to state their case, right? So why do we let Pat Buchanan and Donald Trump onto the air waves? Why is Orly Taitz on a major cable network, even if she was thrown off? I don't know how many times she's been on TV, but I've seen pictures and know it's at least 3 different times.

And this isn't even woman's college basketball. This is the president of the country! Why does anyone feel its acceptable to permit these people to be on TV or to all citizens to purchase billboards questioning the citizenship of the President of the United states? We don't let the Klan buy billboards. We don't let overly graphic images to pollute the psyches of our children as they're being driven to school. So why do we allow this blatant and racist disrespect of the Commander in Chief?

More white people need to speak out--and do so strongly--against this. More white people need to boycott those journalists and their networks that allow this filth to pollute our air waves. You don't have to like Mr. Obama or his policies to show him the proper respect as our president and a fellow American. It's not politics and too many people are allowing it to be a right versus left issue.

Racism is a American problem.

And, no, white lesbians shouldn't wait for the black community to step up and speak out against hetero supremacists and sexism in much larger numbers. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

That means all of us. MLK Jr's dream was for everyone. So, what are we gonna do about it? Keep fighting our own personal battles or come together and win the war?

New Glory
by Trace Cook

Everyone is a bigot.
Just admit it, and
Grow
Living beings do that
Are you dead? No!
Then today is the time
To start something small
And let it crawl
Until it flies,
Forever young
Flapping free:
You, me:
Our banner still left to wave!

Allied Apathy

As I tweeted yesterday before bed, yesterday was a sad day for America. First, the sitting president was made to prove his citizenship; then, 9 soldiers were murdered in Afghanistan; next, the Radical Roberts court again handed a major victory to massive corporations, and, finally, the tornadoes.

By the links above you can see that the only thing I didn’t blog about were the soldiers. 

I get very angry and depressed when I think about it, truthfully, so I generally just have to stay away from it like I try to stay away from blogging about hate crimes and sexual assault. There is so much of it that if I let it in, it just consumes me.

Maybe that’s cowardly, but I already have scars on my wrists that prove I’m serious. 

At the end of the day, I’m not ready to die unless I’m dying to defend my own self…because my own self is the only person who has never abandoned me. That’s sad but true—not my mother or father, not my sisters, not my friends or my lovers. Everyone left me or put themselves and their happiness over my best interests from way back when I was a baby, so I refuse to sacrifice myself for anyone now. Should I one day marry, that will change, but until then that’s just the way it is and why, sometimes, I have to just check out and tune out things that bring me down…including my family’s problems and problems with our world. 

Yesterday was one of those days. Today is not. 

You know, when I heard that President Obama had released his birth certificate, I immediately went numb. I knew it was bad that such a thing happened (even though I certainly don’t pretend to have any idea what it is like to be non-white), but I didn’t want to let it in. I didn’t want to believe that we really are that fucked up. 

At lunch, as I was still rapt in horror at the thought. That was when I composed my brief response to the incident, wanting to make a point that I was repulsed without giving the so-called controversy, or that gluttonous asshole with the horrible comb-over, any further publicity. For a while I was satisfied until I went home and was able to log into Twitter. Naomi Klein retweeted something from Van Jones, who was sharing an emotional You Tube video from Baratunde. After watching it, I realized two things:

1. I’ve become detached from the black community since leaving Michigan 
2. My silence was bad 

I would like to talk about the world in which I grew up to give this post more perspective, but in doing so I would be biting the hand that feeds me: ergo, sacrificing myself, which I’ve already explained that I’m not willing to do. Once I move out, I will, but, right now, all I can say that it wasn’t my parents who taught me not to be a racist. It was not Jesus, either; although, Jesus did so more than my parents. Mostly, though, it was my fine public education and myself as a free-thinking person who grew up in a diverse, working class neighborhood.

What this post is about is #2. 

Baratunde’s vblog really affected me. As he was talking, I heard myself having the exact same feelings about being female and being gay. And, as much as I wanted to, I knew that I could not fully appreciate his pain, just like he can’t fully appreciate mine as a lesbian woman.

I think what has to be hard for Black Americans at this time is the silence of much of white America who doesn’t give a shit about the president’s birth certificate. I understand that because it’s exactly how I feel about much of straight America who doesn’t give a shit about someone else’s sex life or desire to be married. They won’t spit on me or try to kill me or even vote against me, but they won’t speak up or do anything to help me because they can’t identify with me.

The world will be a better place when we all only identify as part of the human race. Obviously, we still have a long ways to go, but since I do understand the frustration of allied apathy, this is me not being silent. And this is me promising to start speaking out about this disgusting disrespect for the president and to make sure that I do not unintentionally support any of the racists still pushing this, including journalists.

Oh, and if you didn’t see Maddow last night, this part, especially, was worth a look:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

No, podcasting an uber smart and geeky cutie like Rachel is not the same was watching TV. A single woman living at home to save money has got to get her lady-lovin' jollies somehow. Peace.

Robertson: Behold the Path for Lesbian Equality

I try never to make it a habit to quote Pat Robertson, but this nugget of anti-logic (think anti-matter) is far too good to pass up.

Apparently, according to The Advocate magazine, the certifiably stupid Mr. Robertson unveiled the secret reason why liberals support a woman's right to make her own medical decisions last night on his television program for lunatics...because...wait for it...promoting choice leads to childless straight women which, in turn, puts the second-class lesbian on equal footing because everyone knows that lesbians can't and don't have children, fool. O_o

Yes, queer as folks, you heard the man right. The liberals who gave us DADT and DOMA are pro-choice because they want us barren butches to be empowered in our childlessness.

And on the Seventh Day the Lord rested. Wow. Now, I wonder why I didn't see that when it's so plainly obviously--like the hair on a frog...

STUPID. Find the cure...fast.

More Bigotry from Bigots

Is anyone surprised that the Prop 8 proponents, who claim that they are not bigots and that they are only trying to protect the sanctity of marriage, are now trying to get the trial decision tossed out because, as it turns out, the judge who ruled that putting civil rights up to a majority vote was unconstitutional, was involved in a long-lived same-sex relationship? I'm probably offending someone by saying this, but anyone who thinks these people don't want to push me back into a closet and then out the bottom in into a grave is a fool.

Of course it's about homophobia, hatred, and bigotry. Of course it's prejudice and discrimination no different than Jim Crow era segregation, and this motion should obliterate the remaining doubt for the doubters. Here's why:

Do we throw out decisions by female judges who rule on gender discrimination against women? No. Why not? Because the only other option is a male judge, who is equally likely to be just as biased. This isn't Star Trek; we can't beam up our androgynous alien friends or ask the Vulcans to take the gavel. We have to make due with what we have and focus on the rule of law using simple, straight-forward, impartial logic...like the Vulcans. Anything else is prejudice and that's why Lady Justice is blindfolded, because she is not prejudice.

Of course, there are plenty of times when judges do recuse themselves, as they should, but those are always circumstances where the potential bias is something that is unique to them...meaning someone else, just like them, can step in because they don't have stock in some company or they aren't related to so and so. Discrimination is always against one thing versus another: there are two camps and everyone exists in one of them. No one side is better or worse at being impartial, and the very notion that a gay judge can't rule on a case of a whole lot of straight people oppressing a much smaller number of gay people is pure, unadulterated bigotry. Sadly many American, gay, straight, and bisexual, suffer from hetero-elitism.

The good news is that once you're aware of it, you can change it. Like any process, the first step is admitting that you have a problem.

Look at the clock below. Think about it.

Live and Let Live, Remember?

Mary Ann Evans Cross, noted for her written works under the pseudonym of George Eliot, once said: "It's never too late to be what you might have been." It's one of my favorite quotes because I always infer an assumption of self-manifested destiny into it--of free will, not fate..because, otherwise, what's the point of it? If it's fate and there is no free will, then what's the purpose of encouraging someone to step forward, reach, and make a change? There is none.

I bring this up because Kelly McGillis is making headlines today because she doesn't want to be a LGBT role model. *gasp!* The actress, famous for her roles in Top Gun, The Accused, and Witness, who was once the victim of a violent assault long before she came out as lesbian about 2 years ago, was quoted in On Top Magazine as saying, 

"I would like to be seen as a human being doing the best I can with what I've been given, and as someone who muddled through somehow and didn't kill anybody."

Gee, that sounds more than a little familiar...

For the record, as a lesbian who grew up watching and swooning over Ms. McGillis and her big bones, all I can say is that I wish her nothing but the best. By going forth and living her life to the best of her abilities, out of the closet, she is, whether she realizes it or not, a role model for every human being...because it's not about being gay or even the daily struggle of being gay. It's about being human and surviving life's harsh realities without succumbing to the ills on full display in any newspaper in the world.

It may not be convenient for the Human Rights Campaign crowd and their A-list donors for Ms. McGillis to refuse to be used as the latest pin-up, but as Bonnie Raitt sings, "What is living if you can't be free; what is freedom if I can't be me?"

Ms. McGillis doesn't owe anyone anything: she came out. Let the lady enjoy her life and be your own role model. It's 2011 and we have You Tube, not to mention free will. It's never too late to be what you might have been...

Used to being Discounted

Last night before bed I was reading the story about the NY Maternity store that is offering a 10% discount to lesbian couples. I saw the story on the OOB2 news ticker above and wanted to read something nice before bed. Of course, that was a mistake because, OF COURSE, it's a big story. I didn't realize that until I started to read the comments. Of the 20 or so that there were on the local news website, every single one of them was negative.

Something was bothering me about the logic of the commenters, but after a long day I couldn't think of it. This Easter morning it struck me while I was adding some rare make-up to my face before we headed out to my aunt's: every time I go out with my dad he gets a discount for being a senior...for the same reasons this shop owner is offering a hardship discount to female-only couples: they typically have less money. See, I knew it would come to me...just needed some sleep to recharge the noggin'.

I challenge anyone, anywhere to tell me how offering a hardship to lesbian couples is different.

Up is Down

Iowa GOP asshats introduced legislation to impeach state supreme court justices for making a decision they didn't like--for deciding a constitutional matter...for deciding, unanimously, that restricting same-sex couples from the right to marry is unconstitutional.

George Bush lies to Congress and the American people during the State of the Union, sending our country to war. He authorizes outing a covert CIA agent for political payback against her husband. He authorizes torture and warrant-less wire-tapping of American citizens, but because he gave rich people money and didn't want gay people to get married he's OK. But these justices, they should be impeached!

I'm perfectly comfortable with the judges being defeated in an election because of their decision. That's democracy. I don't agree with the people of Iowa who sacked them, but I also know that those people won't live forever and history is on my side. I may not live to see it or still be young enough to enjoy it, but that doesn't matter.

Impeaching judges for making a decision you don't like is another matter. Like Washington D.C., the Iowa GOP is stuck on STUPID. Find the cure.

Duh!

For the last week on the Twitter and even on the little news ticker on this blog I've seen varied forms of the statement that LGBTIQ youth have lower suicide rates in a supportive environment.

Tell me this is not news! How fucking stupid and homophobic are we for fuck's sake? Of course suicide risk is lower in a supportive environment. Why else would we kill ourselves in not for all the fuckers who make our lives utterly hellish with no mercy in sight?

STUPID. Find the cure.

John Boehner: Justice Department Should Pay House GOP To Uphold Defense Of Marriage Act

Since this is such a high moral issue that affects the very foundation of our society, I'm sure that Mr. Boehner could find someone to work such a high-profi­le Federal case pro bono. Right?

What would Jesus do?
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Melissa Etheridge - Fearless Love?

I love that feature of Twitter that tells you about new things. Would you believe I never knew about Blip? I would. Anyway, thare be my channel, mateys! http://blip.fm/tracecook

My first blip? Melissa Etheridge's "Fearless Love"...even though, I have to admit, that I've been feeling down on M.E. since news broke of she and Tammy's break up. I've wanted to blog about it, but I also didn't because it's so not my business--tonight it struck me.


When I heard about the split, I literally couldn't believe it. Why? I don't know, but I couldn't imagine Tammy leaving "Honey" and after what M.E. went through with Julie, I couldn't imagine her walking away from that dreamy thing like the movies--"tank top, smooth skin, sunned lips, tan thighs." I mean "Secret Agent" alone, which I saw live before it ever came out on Lucky was enough to tell me that Missy was around the bend and never comin' back with the cows.

I immediately went to Tammy's blog. I've been following it steadily for a few years, not because she's married to a famous artist I like or because she was on TV, by the way--I'm not a groupie-type and I still don't watch TV--but because she's a poet/writer with actual talent whose point of view I understand as we're similar in age, prefer the mid-west, and think California is the moral/societal equivalent of Chernobyl.

Okay...that sounds incredulous, even if it's not. But it kind of is, too. Here's the whole truth: because my ex, Diane, (the one who feels like an ex because I can lament and miss her) is about Melissa's age and knows her from way back on the scene in Omaha; she also worked in the music industry. True. It was funny to us, Di and me, when they hooked up and got all that press--I guess we felt a little like kindered spirits from far away in Michigan, but that was already the second time around for us. As much as I loved her, and always will, truthfully, as least the parts that used to make me smile like mad money, I wasn't mature enough to understand the problems she had with depression as I had not had them myself to that degree. The first time we broke up was not my fault, but the second time was...so that's why I follow Tammy and why I care that they split and why I need to write a bout it...even though I recognize it's none of my business.

It's not them I'm writing about; it's me.

So, I shouldn't judge. I really like them both; I want them both to be happy...because, if they can be, then maybe I can be...somewhere my fearless love can't stop the wanting, either.

Bombs Allegedly Hurled at Gay Athletes from Church

Why does that not surprise me?

Did you even know that the Out Games were happening in Coppenhagen Denmark? Odds are that you didn't. But did you know that three IEDs were thrown onto the track during them, injuring one of the althetes yesterday?

Odds are: you still didn't know.

A swimmer splits his suit, revealing his bum and the whole world hears about it and sees the photos, but violent hate crimes happen during a sporting event and all you hear is crickets. Just sayin'.

It is relevant to the US national discussion, though: the Matthew Shepard Act just recently passed the Senate and needs only now the President's signature. This is a perfect example of why hate crimes legislation is needed...because these bombers who, apparently, threw the explosive devices from a nearby church while shouting "Homo pig" weren't just trying to hurt the contestants: they were trying to terrorize the entire LBGTQI community and it wasn't until after the second bombing that the police even showed up.

If the neighbor next door kills his wife because he hates her, that does not terrorize an entire community; that event, while disturbing and shocking like all violence (should be), stands on its own as between the perpetrator and the victim. Whereas when someone beats a man for holding his brother's hand while shouting anti-gay slurs, that affects everyone who is gay or who, like that man, may be preceived (falsely) as being gay just from showing affection to someone of the same biological sex.

Doubly, what is one supposed to do if local law enforcement is involved in said crime or totally complicit? I'm seeing things nearly every day in the paper about cops telling people to leave restaurants and such because their PDA was "illegal" and they could be arrested for "homosexual conduct" or "trespassing"...or what about that raid in San Antonio on the Stonewall anniversary when someone got their head bashed in? What about the rate of murders perpetrated on transgender citizens? What about the protesters who go to the funerals of soldiers and hold signs that read "God Hates Fags" and others that go to Pride Events and hold signs that read "Death to Fags"?

I realize there is a lot more wrong with the world than this, but how are we to fix it if we don't even acknowledge it? Surely an athlete bleeding because of a bomb (an act of terrorism) is more newsworthy than an althete with a wardrobe malfunction...even though he does have a very nice butt.

Red Sky Morning Night

A sailor's delight...

Her name is Carrie.

I could start from the beginning and all of that, but I don't care to because no one reads this anyway--and why should they? I'm horrible at keeping it updated. Sorr [sic].

I don't know if Carrie and I are soulmates; I don't know if we are crazy bitches and gluttons for punishment. I don't know??? What I do know is that, for now, she is the one that got away...and the one, still, I wish... Well, I don't know what I wish anymore.

I will never delete her contact information. I will never hate her or even think negatively of her...even though I might spout my frustration. It was only ever sadness...pure sadness that it never happened.

She and I have come in and out of communication with each other for about 6 years now; originally it was my fault because I was involved with someone when we met, the last times of disconnect have been her.

It started with a simple comment I made on her blog, having no idea she was attracted to women. She talked, only good things, about her husband and her kids on the blog. She was talking about her struggles with her self-image, obsessing over every little pound, now that she'd lost an impressive amount of weight. I simply told her to throw the scale out the window and go by how her clothes are fitting; scales are evil...and I still believe this, even though I do get one them from time to time.

She wrote back, calling me her angel and that was just the comment she needed. The next day, I got a message from her. She'd read my blog, saw that I was a HOMO, and decided that she wanted to ask me some questions. Innocent enough: sure, I can play big gay sister. :) *sigh*

6 years later...

I recently got Office 2k7. Last night I finally decided that I was going to use this suite for all it's worth and I started the process of cleaning up the disaster area that was my email. I get so much and since I moved to California, I'm just not on the computer that much. I know people have emailed me but it's a mass of crap that I don't even pay attention to anymore unless I'm expecting something. Ok--so had to fix that. Done.

Then, now that I had my contacts all cleaned up, I went over to Facebook to say hi to my neglected peeps while I was online. Then I see that she is suggested as a friend. No picture available, but I know it's her: her handle is as unique as she is beautiful. Did I mention she was gorgeous? Oh--forgot that. I'm my eyes, she's as splendid (and dangerous) as a red sky in the morning. Her looks; her voice; her attitude: her charm: Perfection (by my definition, which is anything but fake or flawless).

I considered it for a minute and then said "screw it" and clicked the link to add her as a friend. After that I forgot about it, honestly--haven't heard from her since Dec. '07 so it was in and out of my mind. I went to bed, went to work, 12 hours later I came home, did my 30 minute workout in the pool (the one nice thing about CA) and finally sat down to check my email w/ Outlook...everything all nice and neat, very pretty, and then there are 2 emails from Carrie.

First @ 7:30am:

(username) sent you a message.
--------------------
(no subject)

I don't have your email address...seems so sterile to send a msg through FB...

I made a promise to you that I intend to keep.

With warm regards,
C
--------------------

I can't recall what she promised me. Damn.


Second @ 2:00pm:
(username) sent you a message.
--------------------
Subject: argh...

why did you do this to me?
#@%*,
C
--------------------

You know, I asked myself why I did this to me, too--I am recovering from a major depressive episode late last year and sending Feb. 2, 2009 when I called home after not being dead. And then it occurred to me, the same way it feels to me right now: It's no longer traumatic for me; at least, it doesn't feel that way as I write this. And why am I writing this--because I'm tried of not documenting what is, for better or worse, a love story: my story. Why I've done that I'll keep to myself, but I'm sure, if she knew, she would understand.

The truth is that I still would like to see her when I go to Chicago in August. I still would like to take her for a drink and debate the riddles of the universe; maybe kiss her lips, once--never have. Just to know. The unknowing is the hardest part. But I'm in a different place now--more zen; less deprived. She no longer feels ominous; yet, I would be lying if I said that I don't have any hopes to one day call her mine. Until then I'll just keep them at bay and think of her as the one that got away.

Editor's Note: After posting this, I realized that the point I was trying to make wasn't really made with the original title. This one fits.

Dangerous
by Michael Jackson

The way she came into the place
I knew right then and there
There was something different
About this girl
The way she moved
Her hair, her face, her lines
Divinity in motion

As she stalked the room
I could feel the aura
Of her presence
Every head turned
Feeling passion and lust

The girl was persuasive
The girl I could not trust
The girl was bad
The girl was dangerous

I never knew but I was
Walking the line
Come go with me
I said I have no time
She said don't you pretend we didn't
Talk on the phone
My baby cried
And left me standing alone

She's so dangerous
The girl is dangerous
Take away my money
Throw away my time
You can call me honey
But you're no damn good for me

Call to Action: KRXQ Radio Hosts Rob Williams and Arnie States Advocate Abuse and Violence Against Transgender Children

Issue:
On May 28, 2009, listeners of Rob, Arnie & Dawn in the Morning were treated to a 30+ minute segment in which hosts Rob Williams and Arnie States, responding to a recent story about the supportive parents of a gender-transitioning child, advocated abuse and violence against the transgender community, specifically children. The show is heard in Sacramento, California on KRXQ 98.5FM and in Reno, Nevada on KDOT 104.5FM.

While co-host Dawn expressed her disillusionment and eventually apology for Rob and Arnie’s grotesque statements, some in which these so-called men referred to transgender children as “idiots”, “freaks”, and “animals”, the vile temerity of the male hosts was not assailed.

You can read more and even listen to the segment at GLAAD’s site: http://www.glaad.org/Page.aspx?pid=730

Reaction:
Living in So-Cal, I did not hear this show. Yet after just 3 months in this state I have to say: I am not surprised. Liberal Mecca my ass. This state is a bastion of hate and self-righteous greedy hypocrites.

Regarding Rob and Arnie: I know these people have only a scintilla of the celebrity of Don Imus, but advocating violence against children? On the air? Seriously, where is the FCC? I think this is a wee bit more detrimental to society and children than fleeting expletives, Janet Jackson’s breast, or my desire to one day have a wife.

Will this reach CNN or the front page of the LA Times? Doubtful (and not as of yet), but it’s only bat-shit crazy drag queens we’re talking about. Right? Did you know (according to the Human Rights Campaign) that transgender persons living in American (this country!) have a 1 in 12 chance of being MURDERED?

We (well, the few of us that know about it) rail about how gays in Iraq (over 600 now) are being rounded up and summarily executed by their families, communities, Iranian death squads responding to a death-to-gays fatwa, and now by the government, too, in the “worst, more severe way of killing” but why isn’t anyone talking about the brutal murders that are happening in this country in which few arrests are being made? One in 12? That’s only twice as good as your chances in Russian Roulette!

And so it begins…

Last Tuesday I reached my tipping point.

I don’t care how much of my time it takes. I don’t care if it costs me all of my money. I don’t care if it, once again, makes me an outcast and I gain the label of “evil woman” like Nancy Pelosi has for some reason from my aunt.

I.Will.No.Longer.Sit.Quietly.Trying.To.Make.You.Comfortable.

Screw you and your values. Oddly enough, I think you’re immoral, too.

No more Mrs. Nice Gay. Fire it up and pass it on.

"Like I could resist this photo op!"

I talked to K. She said what I felt in my head but what I needed someone else to say. In the end it just makes me sad for my sister who believes that Jesus believes in discrimination and oppression (pictured here on the right...the one with her face smudged out). This was apparently Halloween 2008. The caption reads "Like I could resist this photo op." There were 4 similar pictures of this "marriage defender."

Propping up Prop 8. I think my sister is supposed to be a cheerleader. Hooray!

Talkie

My dad came over today; he's a motorcyclist. We had a nice visit and managed to do some talking...about work, economics, the president’s speech, K. I’m not complaining; he was talkative and my mother’s husband decided not to come home last night so he worked from home today ergo: we weren’t alone and had to sit outside in the rather chilly air in order to visit. He stayed for about 2 ½ hours. As he left he promised to call K and offer his support. He was sweet.

After that I hopped online. J accepted me as her friend and wrote “hey. Welcome back =)” on my wall. I checked out her profile and found that she supports a “defend marriage in CA” group…or, in other words, a destroy/prevent same-sex relationship group. What love—yet I’m the single-minded obstinate one according to my mom because it’ll be me who decides whether or not to have a relationship with them. Oh gawd.

I realize that I have been extremely lucky. In Michigan, the last 10 years since I came out, my sexual orientation has never once been an issue of even debate…or, if it was, it was never apparent to me. It just wasn’t, but no one there was my family. Every one else from bosses to friends just didn’t care. There was one incident on a train from A2 to Royal Oak where a young and poorly reared preteen was bouncing around the aisle yelling “queers!” when she saw me and my ex sitting together and I was resting my head on her shoulder. That’s it.

So, maybe I lack tolerance for intolerance, hate, and hypocrisy? Is it worth me tolerating their intolerance, hate, and hypocrisy? I’m not sure; we’ll see how often it occurs in my family.

I sent K a text message. She works 3^rd shift in SC. I asked her to call me on her break tonight or tomorrow. I need some big sister advice. Stay tuned.